


Love They Say

by atomictourist



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Dom/sub, M/M, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2018-09-21 17:21:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9559439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atomictourist/pseuds/atomictourist
Summary: Barba and Carisi aren't as good at hiding their relationship as they think. Or: the women in their lives totally know their tells.





	1. Carmen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [captainworsley](https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainworsley/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I re-wrote this chapter so the entire fic has something vaguely resembling a plot. No implied sexytimes now, but I'm pretty happy with the changes.

"Carmen, please reschedule my two o'clock. Detective Carisi and I need to discuss an urgent matter."

If questioned about it later, Carmen would say that she arched her eyebrow just so at Barba's "please" and not at Detective Sonny Carisi trailing after him like an overly eager puppy. She waited until both men disappeared into Barba's office, leaving the door conspicuously open, before she allowed herself a smirk and an eyeroll. Her boss was finding a lot of excuses these days to discuss “urgent matters” with Detective Carisi.

Carmen had been working for Rafael Barba long enough to see the man fall in and out of more than one romantic entanglement. He had a habit of keeping a tight hold on his feelings until they boiled over into a dramatic, short-lived affair. His last one had forced a lateral move from Brooklyn to Manhattan to avoid conflicts of interest. Carmen had followed him without hesitation, of course; there wasn’t a better boss than Rafael Barba, but she felt her amusement tinged with exasperation. Even competent assistant district attorneys had weaknesses, and Barba’s was handsome, younger detectives. 

Carmen schooled her expression, not wanting to risk her less than professional feelings bleeding into her tone of voice as she dialed Barba's two o'clock. "Hello, Ms. Calhoun?" she said in her best assistant's voice. "Yes, this is Carmen from Assistant District Attorney Barba's office. Yes. Yes, I'm afraid he does need to reschedule again."

She looked in either direction, making sure no one important was walking by, then wrinkled her nose at Rita Calhoun's diatribe about her boss. Not that anything Rita Calhoun said about Barba was untrue, but Carmen felt a certain loyalty to the man for plucking her out of an unpleasant job situation to be his paralegal. "Yes, Ms. Calhoun, I know he usually calls you himself, but" -- Carisi’s raised voice coming from Barba's office caused her to hesitate for a fraction of a second -- "he's currently occupied with his one-thirty. If you'll send the documents over, I'll let him know to follow up with you. Thank you for your patience, Ms. Calhoun. Have a wonderful day."

Carmen hung up the phone before she huffed a sigh. She would never admit it out loud, but Rita Calhoun was one of the few people who intimidated her.

That train of thought was cut short by another indignant outburst from Carisi. “That was a cheap shot even for you, counselor,” Carmen heard him say. She grinned down at her keyboard, wondering how long it would take the detective to figure out that Barba’s cheap shots were nothing more than a juvenile form of self-defense. He enjoyed needling his crushes like an overly witty schoolboy, and every single time Carmen picked up on it before Barba did, making her wonder what exactly that Harvard education was worth. He thought he was being smooth, but from her point of view, he was being painfully obvious.

Carmen kept an ear turned to the still open office door as she filed paperwork and answered emails and rearranged Barba’s schedule in a way that would make his work load less stressful. She even scheduled a couple of personal days, hoping he would actually take them this time. He needed to rest, if only for her sanity. 

After a solid twenty minutes of back and forth between Barba and Detective Carisi, Carmen stared at the doorway like she wished Barba’s office would catch on fire. She didn't necessarily mind that her boss enjoyed verbal sparring with a very attractive younger detective -- it was impressive how Carisi deflected Barba’s jabs with good natured ease -- she only wished he would act on it, maybe get laid. 

Thanks to the Manhattan SVU squad, their cases had been more stressful than usual, and Barba was wound tight. His temper was quickly exceeding what she was paid to deal with it. Her annual performance review was scheduled for next week, come to think of it; she wondered to herself if she could use the past few weeks as leverage for a pay raise. Regardless, Barba was so much easier to deal with when he was seeing someone. She mentally chastised herself for having such unprofessional thoughts about her boss.

At exactly two-thirty, Carmen peered over her laptop to watch as both men emerged from Barba's office, looking for all the world refreshed and relaxed, like they hadn’t been discussing a stressful case. Carmen had worked for Barba long enough to know what was going on between him and Carisi was his favorite kind of foreplay. She smirked.

Barba looked at her as he turned to say something, and his expression fell in a way that would have made Carmen laugh out loud if she wasn't so professional. Instead, she held her smirk and arched an eyebrow, sitting up straight in her chair. Barba cleared his throat. "Carmen, do I have any more appointments this afternoon?" he asked.

"Nothing I can't reschedule for tomorrow," she said as she checked her Outlook calendar with its endless rows of color-coded appointments that made sense only to her.

Barba cast a sideways glance at Carisi and actually fidgeted. Carmen smiled softly. This was potentially more than just a fleeting attraction, she thought, if her boss was failing so spectacularly to maintain his usual decorum. Detective Carisi looked even more obvious with his lopsided grin and pink cheeks that went at least two shades darker when Carmen turned her smile on him. He shifted uncomfortably as if he and Barba had been doing more than just talking. 

"I, ah, gotta get back to go over this case with Liv...I mean, the Lieutenant," Carisi said in that thick Staten Island accent Carmen found charming despite herself.

"I'm headed that way myself, detective," Barba said. "How does a late lunch sound."  
Carisi's smile was almost incandescent. "Yeah, lunch sounds real nice. But you're buying. I can't afford those places you like."

Barba's gaze flickered over to Carmen again. She saw a shy smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He cocked his head to the side in a silent question, how he did when he wanted her opinion on something. She looked at Carisi as she nodded and was sure she saw relief on Barba's face.


	2. Rafael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barba and Carisi's first time after months of building tension.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so after plotting out this fic, I thought it would be fun to alternate my lady chapters with smutty Barba/Carisi chapters.
> 
> PS: for those who asked, there WILL be a Rita chapter!!!!!

“Seldom”

It left Rafael’s mouth almost on reflex; his voice nearly stumble as he tried to stop the word from falling off his tongue in response to Carisi saying yet again “Am I right, counselor?” Rafael was no stranger to sarcasm, but he preferred using it to gain the upper hand, not as a defense mechanism. When Carisi turned to him for approval, those blue eyes shining and those damn lips quirked just so, Rafael felt unsettled. Instead of using his sharp words deliberately, he found himself blurting out whatever smartass remark would get Carisi to stop looking at him like that. 

Of course it had the opposite effect. Carisi scrunched up his face in a way Rafael should not have found so endearing and let out a skeptical huff like he thought Rafael’s jab was entirely unnecessary. Maybe it had been. Rafael’s eyes once again dropped to Carisi’s mouth, those full lips turned in a pout.

“Why you always gotta be that way, counselor?” Carisi said. He sounded exasperated, fed up with Rafael’s antagonizing behavior, which had, if Rafael were honest with himself, been escalating over the past several weeks. Carisi was more observant than Rafael would admit; he had to have at least some inkling why Rafael behaved practically like a sullen teenager whenever he was around. They were alone in the squad room; the rest of SVU had either gone home for the evening or out to investigate leads, but Carisi had asked Rafael to stay behind for a minute to go over some details that were nagging him. The horrifying case pictures pinned to the cork board already had Rafael on edge. This tension with Carisi only made it worse.

Rafael’s eyes snapped back up to meet Carisi’s stern gaze. It was late. He wanted a scotch and to stop thinking about how blue the younger man’s eyes were. “Be what way?” he asked cautiously, trying to feign ignorance.

“You’re always a jackass to me, Carisi said, “I mean, you’re a jackass to everyone, really. But with me? You always gotta make these smart remarks. You really think I’m that stupid, counselor?” Carisi bounced with nervous energy, those hips moving, accentuated by the badge he always kept to one side on his belt. Rafael licked his lips and forced his eyes back up to Carisi’s once again. The squad room felt like it was pressing in on him, suddenly too warm and too small for both of them.

“You’re not stupid, Carisi,” Rafael said, softer than he wanted to sound. “I just don’t…”

“You don’t what, counselor?” Carisi interrupted. He closed the distance between himself and Rafael in one easy stride, and Rafael was acutely aware of their height difference in a way he had never been before. He was accustomed to taller men attempting to use their height as an advantage over him, but this was different: all he could see was Carisi’s chest, a pin dot tie his hands itched to grab. He tilted his head to maintain eye contact; there was a challenge in Carisi’s eyes and posture that left Rafael overcome with a sudden urge to fall to his knees and beg the detective to smack him with the back of his hand. It had been too long since Rafael last felt that desire.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” he said, his voice thick, pitched low. He swallowed, feeling at a loss for air. Carisi’s face was so close to his.

“What’s not a good idea, counselor?”

Rafael rocked forward on the balls of his feet -- his new oxfords didn’t yield well against the movement, but he still raised up just enough to close the distance between himself and Carisi, pressing his lips to that perfect, downturned mouth. Carisi’s lips were as soft as he imagined they would be. That was his last thought before panic briefly overtook him. What if he had misread the situation and sexually harassed an SVU detective of all people? An unwanted kiss would qualify as sexual assault, his unhelpful brain chided. A surprised gasp from Carisi brought Rafael’s focus back to what he, no, they were doing. Carisi didn’t tense, as Rafael feared he would; instead he dropped his hands to Rafael’s waist and pulled him closer, returning the kiss with a confidence Rafael had not expected.

Rafael felt himself being moved backwards until he bumped into the table. Carisi’s hands were everywhere, running up his sides and back underneath his suit jacket, groping his ass, pulling him closer to deepen their kiss until Rafael felt overwhelmed by sensation. Carisi leaned back to look into Rafael’s eyes; his lips were parted and kiss-swollen and there was concern in his expression, but before he could say something, Rafael pulled him down by his tie for another kiss, this time licking into his mouth with abandon.

Carisi rolled his hips, the pressure of his erection causing Rafael to gasp and lean his head back. Carisi took the movement as an invitation to kiss his way along Rafael’s jawline until he found the pulsepoint that made Rafael’s knees go weak. When Carisi bit down just hard enough to hurt, Rafael let out an undignified whimper. He should have shoved Carisi off of him. He should have chastised the detective for rutting against him in the middle of the squad room. Instead he groped for Carisi’s hand, placing it over his own painfully hard cock. Carisi didn’t hesitate to rub him through the fabric of his trousers. Rafael moaned at the contact.

“You like that, counselor?” Carisi said, breathy against his ear. “I’ve wanted to get my hands on you for so long. You don’t even know. And you keep pushing me away like I wouldn’t notice how you always stare at my mouth. Come on, counselor.” He slid his hand up from Rafael’s erection to the front of his shirt; before Rafael could protest, Carisi hooked two fingers in his suspenders, pulled and snapped. Even through his button down and undershirt, it stung against his nipple. He felt a whirlwind of anger and arousal course through him, spurring him to reach up and tug Carisi’s hair hard. Carisi gasped in pain, but his grin was lopsided like that was exactly what he hoped to provoke. 

Rafael pulled him back down roughly for a kiss. He didn’t know how to answer Carisi yet; there were too many conflicting emotions roiling just under the surface and for once it was easier to express himself with actions instead of words. He pushed Carisi’s head back down to the pulse point on his neck, reveling in the sensation of teeth scraping against such a vulnerable spot. In doing so, however, he caught a glimpse of the squad room door, wide open for anyone to walk in. Rafael became hyper-aware of what a compromising, unprofessional position they were in. The only thing keeping him from falling backwards onto the table were Carisi’s strong arms around him.

“Off, get off me,” he heard himself say, trying to sound firm even though the last thing he wanted in that moment was to be separated from Carisi.

Carisi immediately stopped the wonderful things he was doing with his mouth and made sure Rafael was firmly on his feet before he took two steps back. He looked dazed and guilty as his eyes met Rafael’s. “I...uh...I am so sorry, counselor. I just…”

Rafael waved his hand dismissively as he began to straighten his clothes. “The door’s open. As much as I would like to continue, this is hardly the place for it.”

Carisi’s eyes widened almost comically. “Yeah, that makes sense. Wow. I, uh…” -- realization dawned on his face, then relief -- “You’d like to continue, huh?”

Rafael cocked an eyebrow. “I hope that was obvious enough,” he said and silently cursed himself for sounding so breathy and unsure. “Maybe we should get some coffee, talk about this.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s a good idea, counselor. We should definitely talk.” Carisi shoved his hands in his pockets, which unintentionally framed his still hard cock. Rafael swallowed thickly and averted his gaze. This was going to be a long conversation.

Thankfully the only people in the precinct were a few uniformed officers who didn’t pay any attention to Carisi and Rafael exiting the squad room. The elevator ride to the ground floor felt interminable. They stood what Rafael hoped was a casual but professional distance apart, but Rafael itched to crowd Carisi into a corner and run his hands over every inch of that lanky body, drop to his knees and…

The elevator dinged, opening into the first floor. Rafael and Carisi walked out into the street, still silent. He had an irrational feeling that every passerby -- even this late at night New York City’s streets were fairly crowded -- could see the tension between them. Rafael was nearly consumed with a need to reach out for Carisi, take his hand, touch his arm, anything. Judging by the way Carisi’s hand twitched at his side, the feeling was mutual.

“The usual place, counselor?” Carisi asked without looking at Rafael.

Rafael shook his head. “People we know will be there, and while you still shadowing me at work is a convincing enough excuse for us to be in public together, I’d rather we not discuss this where colleagues can hear.”

“Fair enough,” Carisi said. He sounded annoyed.

They ended up outside a dive bar several blocks away, but never made it inside. “We can talk later,” Rafael growled as he pulled Sonny without warning into the alleyway by the bar. Normally, he approached sex with practicality and caution, but he felt like he would overheat if he had to go another second without Carisi’s hands on his body. The alley was dark and dirty and perfect; he would no doubt get a curious look from his dry cleaner on Saturday, but in that moment it felt right. He backed himself against the wall, groaning at the sensation of the detective’s body covering his own. Carisi pressed him hard against the brick, grabbing both of his wrists in one large hand and pinning them above his head. Anyone walking by might see them like this and the thought of it made Rafael’s dick harder. 

Carisi dipped down to mouth at Rafael’s throat. “Yeah you like that, counselor? Come on, tell me what you want,” he whispered. Rafael only managed a strangled whine, too far gone to feel ashamed. He pushed against Carisi’s hand, the rough brick biting into this skin, solely for the pleasure of feeling Carisi’s grip tighten. He had no real desire to break free, and somehow Carisi inferred that. Carisi’s other hand slid between them, quickly undoing Rafael’s belt and zipper with a deftness that betrayed more experience than Rafael would have guessed.

He pushed Rafael’s boxer briefs down with less finesse, allowing Rafael’s dick to spring free. It occurred to him that it simply wouldn’t do for an assistant district attorney to be caught with his dick out for a NYPD detective, but that thought lasted no longer than it took for Carisi to wrap his nimble fingers around Rafael’s cock and squeeze. Rafael huffed with the effort of keeping quiet, and pushed up into Carisi’s fist. The detective’s grip was just tight enough, that perfect mix of intense pleasure and discomfort. 

“Faster,” Rafael demanded. Carisi stifled a moan against his shoulder, biting down on Rafael’s suit jacket. He did as he was told, speeding up his stroke along Rafael’s length. Every time Carisi’s hand brushed over the head, Rafael’s vision blurred. He strained harder against Carisi’s hand at his wrists and was rewarded with a bruising grip. Then Carisi’s lips were against his ear. “Come for me, Rafael,” he whispered, more a command than a plea, and Rafael did in hot stripes over Carisi’s hand and, he was sure, pants.

Carisi released his grip on Rafael’s wrists and his hands fell to his side, prickling from the reduced circulation. “So much for talking, huh?” Rafael said, a post-orgasm laugh threatening to overtake his voice. He wrapped his arms around Carisi’s waist, not ready to let go just yet. The detective seemed in no hurry to let Rafael return the favor. 

Carisi snorted against Rafael’s neck. “Hey now, you were the one who said we should talk. Then you pulled me into this alley. Practically jumped me.”

Alley. Right. They were in an alley. Rafael gently pushed Carisi off of him so he could do up his pants and straighten his suit as much as was possible after being manhandled against a filthy brick wall. “Yes. Well,” he said, not sure where he was going with this line of thought, “at the risk of sounding too forward…”

Carisi scrunched up his face in the same expression that started all of this back in the squad room. “Counselor, I just gave you what I hope was a spectacular handjob. In an alley. What the fuck is gonna sound too forward after that?”

Rafael took a deep breath and forced himself to maintain eye contact. “Would you like to continue this at my place?”


	3. Sonny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carisi gets anxious about his new dynamic with Barba. They talk about things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so...I think a plot is actually happening! Please check out chapter one; I re-wrote it so everything fits together better.

Sonny found himself outside of Barba’s office two days after their...hook up? Sonny didn’t know what to call it. He started to knock on the closed door but stopped short, not wanting to disturb Barba in case he was in an important meeting. 

“He’s taking a phone call right now,” said Barba’s paralegal from her desk and Sonny nearly jumped out of his own skin. He was so focused on seeing Barba that he hadn’t noticed her sitting at her desk. Where she always was whenever he went to see Barba. She smiled at him, amusement showing clearly in her eyes. “If you don’t mind waiting, he’ll be out in a moment.”

“Uh, thanks,” Sonny said. There was something in her expression that made him feel like she saw right through him and knew why he was there. He paced back and forth in the small waiting area outside Barba’s office, trying to shake off the worst of his uncertainty.

After several minutes, Barba’s paralegal got up from her desk and walked gracefully to his office door, letting herself in without knocking. A few murmured words that Sonny couldn’t quite make out, and she reappeared looking more amused than earlier. “Mr Barba can see you now,” she said with the barest hint of a smirk.

“Your paralegal knows what we’re up to,” Sonny blurted out as soon as the door was shut behind him.

“Her name is Carmen, and of course she does,” Barba said as if Sonny’s observation was painfully obvious and not worth saying out loud. He didn't bother looking up from the paperwork in his hand.

“Did you tell her?” That wasn’t what Sonny meant to say, and he could feel his face scrunch up involuntarily at his misstep.

Barba scoffed, still not looking up from his work. “No. But Carmen is intelligent. You should do her the courtesy of assuming she knows. Anyway, that’s beside the point. Why are you here? My schedule is full today.”

“Look...I, uh, wanted to apologize for the other night,” Sonny stammered out. To be fair, he probably deserved Barba’s clipped tone. His stomach had been twisted up in knots since their encounter in the squad room and their following lapse of good judgement in that alleyway. Barba had seemed enthusiastic, had even initiated some of it, bt that didn’t stop Sonny from worrying that he had crossed a line. It wasn’t like him to be so dominant; normally he liked for his partner to take the lead, to do what made them happy. But months of unnecessary digs at his competence had worked him up until he couldn’t take it anymore. Which wasn’t an excuse but…

Barba looked up from the case file he had been studying through Sonny’s awkward conversation. Sonny was never sure if Barba focused on paperwork just to annoy him or to appear in control. Possibly both. He regarded Sonny with annoyance and offense, all in one expression. “I hope you came down here in the middle of the day to apologize for leaving so abruptly after I asked you to come home with me,” Barba said pointedly. “Otherwise you’ll need to elaborate.”

Sonny wasn’t expecting that and it took him an embarrassingly long moment to recover. “I, uh, wow, counselor. Yeah, that was rude of me. You’re right. But I thought I had...um, I was ashamed of my behavior, ok? I didn’t even ask before I did all those things to you. I thought I hurt you.” He rubbed the back of his neck and did his best to hold Barba’s searing gaze. 

“No more than I wanted you to, detective,” Barba said in a low voice that made Sonny’s dick twitch. His vision started to go hazy at the edges as he worked out the implication in Barba’s words.

“You wanted me to? You were ok...with that?”

Barba smirked, slow and infuriating. Sonny hated that smirk as much as he loved it. He wanted to strike it off Barba’s face with the back of his hand, and he felt ashamed at how thoughts like that surfaced in his mind whenever he was around the assistant district attorney. He ducked his head so low that he barely registered Barba standing from his desk and crossing the room.

“Carisi,” Barba whispered in that soothing tone Sonny had only ever heard him use when questioning witnesses. Hearing it directed at himself made Sonny feel lighter, calmer. It was easier to meet Barba’s eyes, all green and sympathetic, as Barba crowded into his personal space.

“There’s clearly a lot we need to talk about. Should have talked about before we started this. Why don’t I…” Barba continued while he smoothed down Sonny’s tie and waistcoat. Sonny’s eyes fluttered shut at the slow, gentle pressure of Barba’s hands sliding over his chest, then his stomach and back up again. “...come over to your place after I finish up here? Would that be more comfortable for you?”

Sonny nodded, swaying into Barba’s touch, but Barba pressed his hands flat against Sonny’s chest. “I need to hear you say it.” His voice was still soft but commanding. 

“Yeah...we should definitely talk. I’d like that. At my place. It’s probably not as nice as you’re used to, though.” Sonny cringed at how plaintive his voice sounded.

Barba looked at him like he was afraid Sonny might spook and run out of his office. It wasn’t far from the truth. “Text me your address. I’ll see you at seven-thirty, ok?” Barba said.

At the end of his work day, Sonny had enough time to go home, change into comfortable jeans and a hoodie, and work himself up into an even worse ball of nerves. 

At exactly seven-thirty the buzzer rang. 

“I’d give you a tour, but this is kind of the whole thing,” Sonny said as he let Barba into his apartment. It wasn’t like him to be apologetic about his living situation -- everyone knew that even on a detective’s salary, affording a nice place was a challenge -- but he felt self-conscious when presented with the stark contrast of Barba looking so expensive in the kitchenette-entranceway of his cramped, shabby studio apartment.

Sonny bounced nervously as Barba took in their surroundings with an inscrutable expression. He was hyper aware of the dishes still in the sink, the coffee table littered with homework and empty soda cans, the unmade bed.

Barba smiled gently and sighed. “Carisi,” he said in that same tone from earlier as he closed the short distance between Sonny and himself. “Nervous is a cute look on you, but I need you to calm down. I grew up in the Bronx, in a place not much bigger than this. You’re okay.”

Barba’s hand had slid up to curl around the back of Sonny’s neck, and Sonny felt himself being pulled down into a kiss. Barba’s lips were soft and gentle against his, a reassuring anchor grounding him in the moment. When Barba moved to pull away, Sonny deepened the kiss, drawing Barba in by his hips until they were flush against each other. Sonny kissed along Barba’s jaw and down his neck, emboldened by the way Barba’s sighs hitched in his throat with each kiss. When Sonny bit down he was rewarded with Barba’s hand in his hair, clenching hard enough to hurt.

“Goddammit,” Sonny cursed, regretting it as soon as the word left his mouth. He shoved Barba away from himself like the older man would burn him if they stayed against each other much longer.

They stared at each other for a beat, a sad smile playing at the corners of Barba’s mouth. “Come here, Carisi,” he said.

Barba guided Sonny to the couch where he seated both of them so they were close but not so close to risk more distractions. Their knees barely touched, but Sonny felt like he was going to overheat just from that one small point of contact.

“I need you to be honest and clear with me,” Barba said, holding Sonny’s gaze in a way that left Sonny feeling exposed, “you’re not going to shock me, ok?”

Sonny felt overwhelmed by his own shame. His thoughts regarding Barba were dark and violent, everything his job, not to mention his good sense, told him was wrong. He had brought it up in the vaguest terms possible during Confession the previous night and it had only left him burdened with more guilt. It wasn’t his attraction to another man that bothered Sonny; he had accepted that part of himself a long time ago. It was the things he wanted to do to Barba, how the thought of inflicting pain made him so incredibly hard.

After several false starts and so much awkward stammering, Sonny blurted out the worst of it in a flurry. “I can’t stop thinking about how much I wanna backhand that smirk off your face when you look at me that way. I...I wanna push you down on your knees and fuck your mouth. God, I wanna fuck your mouth so bad.”

He said all of this to the coffee table, not wanting Barba to see the shame heating up his face, but when he found the courage to meet Barba’s eyes again, he saw unmistakable lust on the other man’s face.

“Is that what you want to do to me, detective?” Barba said, voice low and dangerous.

“Yes,” Sonny said after a long pause, trying to affect more confidence that he felt.

“Have you ever had these desires before?” Barba asked the question like he was at a grand jury hearing.

Sonny shook his head. “No...I, uh, usually like being the one getting hurt.”

Barba’s smile was somewhere between tender and predatory. “We can do that too, if you would prefer, but I would very much like you to hurt me, detective.”

“You would?” Sonny’s eyes widened in disbelief. Despite all the evidence that Barba was telling the truth, Sonny couldn’t bring himself to completely believe it.

Instead of answering immediately, Barba neatly undid his cufflinks, placing them on the coffee table next to Sonny’s homework, and slowly rolled up his sleeves to reveal rings of bruises and scrapes around his wrists. He held out his arms, turning his hands to show the extent of his injuries. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about these. It’s been a long time since I’ve wanted someone to hurt me like that, detective. Please trust me when I say I would like you to do it again.”

Sonny swallowed thickly at the sight of Barba’s exposed forearms and those bruises. Those bruises he made. With his hand holding Barba’s wrists tightly against a brick wall. And he had unwavering consent to do it again. He felt suddenly possessive and feral, all of his previous shame forgotten, but he pushed those feelings aside for a moment, wanting to instead show his gratitude for what Barba was giving him.

Sonny took Barba’s hand in both of his and bent his head to press a kiss reverently to the bruises on the inside of Barba’s wrist. His eyes never left Barba’s face as he repeated the gesture with his other hand. Barba’s eyes fluttered shut and his mouth parted; Sonny felt his pulse quicken against his lips.

Sonny watched as Barba took a deep breath and composed himself before once again meeting Sonny’s gaze. “Well, detective?” he asked; there was a challenge in his voice, but Sonny could see in his eyes that it was all bravado.

“You’re just as scared as me,” Sonny said, a statement not a question. He continued to hold Barba’s hand in his, gently rubbing circles with his fingers.

“You’re a better detective than I give you credit for,” Barba said. Sonny rolled his eyes like he always did when Barba was sarcastic. “I’m not normally this...open about my inclinations”

“Yeah, me neither,” Sonny said. He felt hopeful, like maybe they could figure out whatever was simmering between them together. 

Barba slipped his hand from Sonny’s gentle grip and reached out to toy with the drawstring on Sonny’s hoodie. “It seems we’re on the same page then. This thing makes you look like a college student. Wouldn’t you look better out of it?” He smirked and arched an eyebrow as he said it.

Sonny grinned without reserve as he reached back to pull the hoodie over his head.


	4. Rafael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ummm...Sonny finally doms Rafael. Someone write my summaries for me, please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content note: there's handcuff bondage and some light breathplay in this chapter.

The usual onslaught of cases and court appearances kept Rafael from seeing Carisi outside of work for nearly two weeks. It was long enough for his bruises, for all those wonderful little aches whenever he sat down to fade. Rafael told himself it was good to put some space between himself and the detective; repressed feelings had boiled over too quickly, and while the sex was fantastic, it was also distracting.

This was an unfortunate pattern in Rafael’s love life: he formed an intense, almost instant attraction to a person, ignored it until it exploded into a short-lived affair, then had to clean up the damage once it fell apart. He thought he had left those bad habits in Brooklyn, and transferring to Manhattan had proven to be a good cure. For nearly two years. 

Then there was Detective Sonny Carisi sitting in the squad room wearing an awful suit and an even worse mustache, his mile-long legs sticking out like he didn’t know what to do with them. There was something rough and inexplicably magnetic about him. The next time Rafael saw Detective Carisi, the younger man had shaved that damn mustache and put on a suit that actually fit. All Rafael had been able to notice since then were those plush lips and blue eyes, trim hips that seemed in constant motion, an intelligent and empathetic disposition that he would never admit out loud to liking so much...

Rafael shook his head, forcing his attention back to the files on his desk. It was late in the day; if he could get through this mountain of paperwork, he would have time for dinner. A proper dinner. Not a hastily grabbed street sandwich on his way home well after he should have left the office. He was having too many nights like that. Another half hour had passed when Rafael heard his phone ping. It was Carisi.

_Hey counselor it was good seeing you at the precinct even if all we talked about was this case._

Rafael allowed himself a smile, recalling how long, slender fingers had brushed against his own as Carisi handed him the file he was currently reading through. Carisi had made conversation in his usual affable way, and if Olivia or Rollins had noticed anything different, they at least didn’t call attention to it at the time. 

On impulse Rafael sent a reply. _I like it when you call me counselor_.

His phone pinged immediately. _Yeah?_

Rafael looked up, checking on reflex that he was indeed alone -- Carmen had gone home hours ago, he reminded himself -- before he typed out his next message. _Yes. Like how you did while you were fucking me._

He hit send before he lost his nerve. He had been trying for weeks to subtly goad Carisi into messages of a filthier nature, but perhaps a blunt approach would yield better results. He wanted Carisi to take charge, tell him what to do. They had discussed this several times, but Carisi was still apprehensive about the whole idea.

Several minutes passed without a reply from Carisi, and Rafael wondered if he had scared the younger man away. 

_You liked me fucking you into my couch, huh counselor?_   
_Wanna do it again?_

_Of course. But first I want to get my mouth on your gorgeous cock._

_I was thinking more you on your hands and knees on the rug._ was Carisi’s near immediate reply.

A wicked grin spread across Rafael’s face; this was what he had wanted from Carisi. His cock was already half-hard, pushing against his trousers. _Are you going to punish me, detective?_

_Well first I’d need to question you. Get a confession. Yknow, to make sure the punishment fits the crime._

That definitely gave Rafael some ideas. _Would handcuffs be involved in this interrogation?_

_Is that what you want, counselor? You want me to cuff you?_

_And fuck me till I scream. Yes._

There was another long silence from Carisi, but this time Rafael imagined the younger man sprawled out on his bed, stroking himself while he thought of what to message next. Rafael would have done the same, except he was in his office and that was a line he didn’t plan on crossing. His phone pinged again before he could will himself to focus on work again.

_Wanna come over tomorrow night?_

Rafael considered his own wants and desires for a moment, his cheeks heating as he typed his next reply. _Will you be in uniform, detective?_  
 _Is that how it’s gonna be, counselor?_

Rafael entertained the thought of Carisi in his dress uniform. He had only seen Carisi in full uniform once, at the wake for Michael Dodds. Rafael had been more inebriated than he normally allowed himself in the middle of the day -- simultaneously drowning sorrows and alleviating stress brought on by threats to his life -- enough so that his gaze lingered more than necessary on Carisi’s mouth and how the navy blue uniform contrasted sharply with his light blue eyes. He very much wanted to see Carisi in that uniform under...happier circumstances. 

Rafael kept his reply short, a simple _Yes._

_See you tomorrow night then. 7:30_   
_Counselor ;)_

The following night, Rafael felt himself nearly vibrating with excitement as he climbed the stairs to Carisi’s apartment. He was, at Carisi’s request, still in his suit from work: a charcoal gray three-piece with a pink tie and pink striped suspenders that Carisi had insisted were his favorite. In between casework and motion hearings, they had spent their day discussing this rendezvous in more detail over text messages. Regardless of which side he found himself on, Rafael loved negotiating kinks. He loved the anticipation as much as the bare honesty of it, and while he enjoyed topping, he was thrilled to let go and put himself in someone else’s hands for once. 

Rafael knocked on Carisi’s apartment door, and Carisi opened almost immediately, inviting him inside. He felt somewhat disappointed that Carisi wasn’t wearing his uniform as discussed, but he was wearing a crisp white shirt and gray trousers that accentuated his long legs. Rafael’s eyes wandered to the badge at Carisi’s hip; he always found himself distracted by the way that badge moved with Carisi’s hips whenever they were discussing a case at work. He licked his lips involuntarily and looked up to see Carisi staring back at him with open affection. 

“Hey so I know you wanted the uniform,” Carisi said, “but I felt kinda weird, y’know, because…”

Rafael shook his head, closing the short distance between himself and Carisi. “No, you look perfect,” he said as he pulled the younger man in for a kiss. He sighed against Carisi’s soft lips, the feel of Carisi’s tongue gently licking into his mouth. Two weeks without this had felt like an eternity. “I think we’ve discussed enough, don’t you?” he said when they broke apart.

Something sparked in Carisi’s eyes at Rafael’s words. He was suddenly on Rafael with an intensity that left Rafael breathless, pushing Rafael’s suit jacket off and laying it on the sofa, kissing and biting at Rafael’s neck as he slowly, painstakingly unbuttoned Rafael’s waistcoat. Carisi grinned when he discarded the waistcoat to reveal pink striped suspenders. “These look so good on you,” he said.  
Rafael slid his hands down, moving to grab Carisi’s ass, but as soon as he had his hands where he wanted them, Carisi pulled back his suspenders, snapping them hard against his chest. “No more touching unless I say so,” Carisi ordered. The stinging sensation on his chest combined with Carisi’s sudden authoritative tone made Rafael painfully hard. 

Carisi took his time undressing Rafael after that, obviously enjoying the way Rafael tried not to squirm. He slid Rafael’s suspenders off his shoulders, letting them hang down along his thighs, and loosened his tie before slipping it off his neck. He removed Rafael’s button down shirt and undershirt with the same agonizingly slow care; by the time he moved to Rafael’s trousers, Rafael was trembling with anticipation. He actually whimpered when Carisi brushed a hand against his erection. 

Once Rafael was down to only his boxer briefs, Carisi stepped back to admire him. Rafael didn’t protest when Carisi moved behind him, pulling one wrist, then the other against the small of Rafael’s back. 

“Is this ok, counselor?” he asked, lips brushing against Rafael’s ear. Carisi’s authoritative affect didn’t totally cover his concern; Rafael found it sweet that Carisi would do this for him despite lingering reservations. Rafael nodded.

Handcuffs closed around Rafael’s wrists with a loud ratcheting sound; he struggled against them for no other reason than to feel the metal bite into his skin. He wanted his wrists bruised by the end of this, so bruised that he wouldn’t be able to roll up his sleeves at work for days. 

Carisi jerked him backwards by the cuffs so he was flush against a bare, lean chest. The skin on skin contact was a surprise, leaving Rafael feeling like he might burn up. He had been so focused on the cold metal encircling his wrists that he didn’t recall hearing Carisi undress.

“Is that good, counselor?” Carisi rumbled in his ear, voice low and husky, more confident this time. Rafael leaned his head back against Carisi’s shoulder and moaned a “Yes”. Carisi jerked the cuffs again, harder this time; Rafael gasped at the sharp pain, his dick straining against his boxer briefs.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. On your knees,” Carisi barked out in that tone Rafael had heard him use when making arrests, all authority and confidence, perfectly in his element. Rafael hesitated just to see what Carisi would do next.

“I said _on your knees, counselor_ ,” Carisi growled against his ear right as he placed his own knee firmly against the back of Rafael’s leg, causing him to instantly crumple to the floor. Rafael nearly fell face first onto the rug, but Carisi hauled him back up by the cuffs so he was kneeling. His mind was focused only the pain in his wrists, the way Carisi manhandled him just enough to hurt but no further than that. He barely registered Carisi walking around to kneel in front of him. Even with both of them on their knees, Carisi was a full head taller.

Rafael looked up into Carisi’s eyes, seeing only sternness there. All the anxiety that had previously colored their discussions appeared to be gone. Carisi ran his hand gently through Rafael’s hair, messing up his perfect coif. Just as Rafael begin to relax into the sensation, Carisi tightened his grip, pulling sharply. Rafael felt his eyes water, but he was unsure if it was from the pain or the helpless shame washing over him.

“You look so good like this,” Carisi almost whispered as he slid his other hand up the column of Rafael’s throat. It would be so easy for Carisi to squeeze those long nimble fingers, cutting off his breath. Rafael moaned at the thought, tilting his head back further to bare his throat even more, hoping Carisi would understand. Carisi looked briefly alarmed, and Rafael realized they hadn’t talked about this specific predilection of his.

However, Carisi’s stern expression quickly returned. “Is that what you want, counselor?” he asked, wrapping his hand around Rafael’s throat, exerting enough pressure for Rafael to feel his hand was there but not enough to satisfy. Rafael moaned at the touch, pushing forward into Carisi’s hand. Apparently displeased, Carisi tugged harder at Rafael’s hair. “I’m not gonna ask you again. Is that what you want? You want me to choke you?”

Rafael let himself go in that moment. “Yes. Please. Please!” he gasped out, “I want your hands around my throat. Please, detective!”

Carisi’s mouth twisted in a smirk. “Maybe later. If you’re good,” he said. Then he released Rafael’s hair and throat, and rose to his feet in one graceful move, leaving Rafael on his knees feeling adrift. He considered turning his head to see where Carisi had gone, but something unspoken between them kept his eyes locked forward. He heard a drawer open and shut, then Carisi reappeared next to him, gently setting a strip of condoms and a bottle of lube where Rafael could see them. The realization washed over him that they were going to do this here, in the middle of Carisi’s living room.

Carisi dropped to his knees again, still somehow towering, and pushed Rafael down until his cheek was pressed into the rug, his ass in the air. The rug was slightly coarse from wear, a once garish pattern faded into what one might call shabby chic. Carisi brought a hand open-palm down hard on Rafael’s ass, refocusing his thoughts back to his compromising position. He felt humiliated and vulnerable, and the thought of it only made his cock harder.

“You look so good like this, counselor,” Carisi said as he slid Rafael’s boxer briefs down to his thighs. Rafael’s cock sprang free, causing him to moan wantonly against the rug. “God I wanna get my mouth on you.”

The next thing Rafael felt was Carisi’s hands spreading his ass cheeks and Carisi’s tongue licking at his hole. Carisi ate him out with enthusiasm, like he couldn’t get enough of it, and soon Rafael was trembling uncontrollably. Long fingers, warm and slick with lube, replaced Carisi’s mouth; first one, then two, slowly working Rafael open. He shamelessly rocked back, fucking himself on Carisi’s fingers until they curled up into that spot that made Rafael gasp as his own hands clenched into fists, straining against the handcuffs. His dick ached for attention. He wanted so badly to touch himself, or to sink down and rut against the rug. Anything to relieve the tension building up in him

The sound of a condom wrapper tearing filled his ears, and he felt Carisi’s dick, thick and hard, against his hole as Carisi held him steady by the handcuffs. “Please fuck me. Sonny, please, please, please,” the words fell out of Rafael’s mouth like a litany he had no control over. He rocked back at the same time Carisi pushed into him, both of them crying out at the same time.

Carisi set a punishing rhythm, driving into Rafael hard and fast and _perfect_. Rafael felt his chest and the side of his face sliding on the rug, burning from the friction of it, but in the moment it only heightened his pleasure. He felt completely at Carisi’s mercy, cared for and safe, like he was floating

When Carisi reached around to stroke Rafael’s dick, Rafael shuddered and whimpered. “God Rafael, you feel so good,” Carisi said, breathing hard, “want you to come for me, Rafael. Can you come for me?” That was enough to push Rafael over the edge; he cried out as he came, spilling into Carisi’s hand. Carisi’s rhythm stuttered and Rafael felt him go still and groan out his orgasm. 

Rafael was vaguely aware of Carisi pulling out and going to work on the handcuffs. He gently massaged Rafael’s wrists and hands once they were free while Rafael stretched out on rug, feeling boneless. When he rolled onto his side he was greeted by the sight of Carisi laying next to him, watching him with a soft smile. The younger man’s hair clung sweat soaked to his forehead and his face was still pink from exertion.

“So, uh, that was something, huh?” Carisi said. His eyes regarded Rafael intently, looking for signs of destress.

Rafael tried to summon the energy for a smartass reply, but all he could bring himself to do was mirror Carisi’s smile. He reached out to brush Carisi’s hair from his forehead.

Carisi’s smile went from soft to incandescent. “Ok, counselor. Let’s get you cleaned up, and, uh, you are definitely staying here tonight.”

He couldn’t think of a good argument against that.

Rafael was slow to wake up the next morning; he felt languid and reluctant to get out of bed. Work seemed far away and unnecessary when he could just bask in the dawn light slowly illuminating the room and sink further into the nest of pillows and blankets on Carisi's bed. Rafael wasn't one to stay over after sex; on the rare occasion he went home with a partner, he was usually dressed and on his way home soon after they were done fucking. He preferred his own bed, his own creature comforts. And yet...

Carisi's bed was warm and inviting, made that way by Carisi pressed against Rafael's back, lanky arms holding him close, those long legs tangled with his own. They had fallen asleep like that after fucking on the rug. A happy sigh escaped Rafael's mouth as he recalled every detail of the previous night. His wrists still ached from Carisi's handcuffs; his face and chest still burned from Carisi pushing him into the rug. He felt content.

An alarm, obnoxious and blaring, jolted Rafael awake just as he was drifting off again. Carisi muttered against the back of his neck and reached over him to fumble with the clock on the night stand. In doing so, he rolled nearly on top of Rafael. “Good morning,” Carisi said, a lazy smile spreading across his face, his voice husky from sleep. He dipped his head to nuzzle at Rafael’s neck. “How you feeling?”

“Relaxed,” Rafael managed to say. Not his most eloquent affirmation but his entire self felt spent from the previous night. Carisi lifted up his head to look at Rafael with a questioning expression. Those blue eyes were so intense when they fixed on him that Rafael felt his breath hitch in his throat. He reached up to stroke Carisi’s cheek, enjoying the way Carisi leaned into his touch. “Honestly. Last night was perfect.”

Carisi grinned. “Yeah? Good. I’m glad,” he said, kissing Rafael on the cheek before he rolled off of him and out of bed in one move. Rafael propped himself up on one elbow to admire Carisi’s bare ass as he walked to the bathroom.


	5. Rita

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As promised forever ago, here's my Rita chapter. (seriously, somebody write my summaries)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I, um, have extensive detailed headcanons for Barba and Rita based off like 5 minutes of interaction in one episode. A lot of that made it into this chapter.

Rita walked into Barba's office unannounced; she could feel Carmen behind her, no doubt rolling her eyes at the intrusion. Barba was sitting at his desk, feet kicked up as was his habit, and she was halfway to the coffee service before she fully registered the other person in the office.

Even with his back to her, Detective Sonny Carisi was immediately recognizable, tall and lanky in a suit that was a poor echo of Barba's impeccable taste and that grating Staten Island accent as he related some inane-sounding story. He was leaning against Barba's desk, a Chinese takeout container in one hand while the other gestured animatedly with chopsticks. Barba was smiling up at Carisi, his expression soft and relaxed until he saw Rita. She swore there was fear in his eyes before he composed himself. 

"Can I help you, Rita?" he asked, taking his feet off his desk and sitting up, once again all business. Carisi spun around to look at her, and as he did, put as much distance as he could between himself and Barba in one hasty move. That was interesting.

"I don't know. Can you? Or do you need to reschedule again?" Rita said. "I know you hate working with me, but..."

Barba let out an exasperated huff. “Detective, can you give us a minute?” he said, still glaring at Rita as he did. “And close the door on your way out.”

“Yeah, sure,” Carisi said. He left the takeout container and chopsticks on Barba’s desk as he exited in a hurry, barely hiding his sulking expression. 

Rita slid into one of the chairs across from Barba’s desk and held his gaze. It was a competition of sorts to see who would break eye contact first, something she and Barba had done since her days as an assistant district attorney. She privately enjoyed that Barba didn’t wither under her glares like other men. This time, however, he looked away first. Under the guise of reaching for the takeout container and chopsticks left by Detective Carisi, of course. That in itself grabbed her attention.

She watched Carisi intently, waiting until the door clicked shut behind him to say something. “What was that about?”

Barba made a noncommittal sound as he shoveled food into his mouth. “Carisi had some questions about a case we’re working on.” he said around a mouthful of noodles. He always used eating as a way to gain dominance in a conversation. Every interaction with this man turned into a damn power struggle. Rita would never admit how energized she felt after their _discussions_. There was something off about Barba today, though. He was deflecting.

Rita arched an eyebrow. “Do you always share food with your detectives?”

Barba coughed and his cheeks turned pink despite his otherwise inscrutable expression. That’s when Rita noticed one of his cheeks was marred by what appeared to be a friction burn. She didn’t give him time to answer her first question. “And what happened to your face?” 

Barba carefully set his food down and rearranged the stacks of papers on his desk, his version of fidgeting nervously. “I accidentally used a dull razor this morning,” he said, resolutely not making eye contact with her.

Rita scoffed. “Do better than that, Barba. I know for a fact you would never do something that uncouth. You take your grooming too seriously.”

Barba pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes; she knew that meant he had a migraine coming on, but she was too amused by his discomfort to feel bad about being the cause of it. When he opened his eyes he looked directly at her. “Every single person I’ve spoken with today has happily accepted that excuse. Could you please do me the courtesy of at least playing along?” he said.  
“What happened to not dating colleagues?” Rita said. She couldn’t resist going straight for the kill.

A raised eyebrow showed her that he immediately knew the specific event she was referencing. A charity ball from her district attorney days, one of those so-called optional gatherings that anyone who valued their career attended. Too much champagne had made her too honest, and although the feeling was mutual, Barba had gently rebuffed her, citing his strict no dating colleagues rule. To his credit, he never held it against her or made her feel any less for it, even when they were on opposing sides in the courtroom.

Barba sighed, his resolute expression giving way to a deeply conflicted one. He was deciding whether to continue skirting the truth or tell her what she had already figured out. “Detective Carisi happened,” he said.

Rita’s mouth actually dropped open at his bare admission. “I didn’t think he was your type,” she said, “it’s no secret you go both ways, but I always figured you would go for someone more sophisticated than that. He can barely dress himself.”

“He is absolutely my type, Rita. That’s what makes this unfortunate,” Barba said, scrubbing at his face. 

“So were those rumors about you and that detective in Brooklyn true?” She couldn’t keep the smirk off her face.

Barba nodded, regarding her like she might pounce if he moved too suddenly.

Rita laughed, mostly at his discomfort but also at the idea that Rafael Barba had a weakness that compelled him to make the same mistake twice. After going up against him in court so many times, it was easy to think Barba was infuriatingly perfect. Discovering he was human after all felt satisfying.

"What is it with you and younger men? Do you like being called daddy?" She paused, scrutinizing Barba's face in a way that made every other prosecutor nervous. His cheeks pinked even more. "Don't answer that," she quickly followed up.

“Rita…”

She wanted to say something about how there was no way he would have that rug burn on his face from being on top, but she refrained. “Are you at least being above board this time?” she asked.

“We haven’t disclosed yet, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Rita couldn’t stop herself from rolling her eyes. “You of all people…”

“I’m still deciding if it’s worth disclosing.” Still deciding if this was a fling or serious enough to warrant dragging his superiors into it, Rita imagined. The way he had been looking at Detective Carisi when she barged in earlier told her everything she needed to know. She wondered briefly what it would feel like to be on the receiving end of that gaze. 

“You’re a grown man, Barba. I don’t need to tell you what a bad idea this is,” she said. “Just keep him away from any cases I take, ok?”

Barba only shrugged.

Rita stood to leave, but needed to get one thing off her mind first. “Look, I know I’m not supposed to say this, being on the other side and all now, but Manhattan suits you. You’re doing good work here. Don’t screw it up.”

Barba’s smile was almost wistful. “Thanks, Rita.”

“You’re welcome. Now, I’m going to schedule a meeting with Carmen to go over this case. I expect you to actually show up, ok?” She let herself out before he could respond. 

Carisi was sitting next to Carmen’s desk talking animatedly about something. “Your boyfriend can see you now,” Rita said as she walked by, just to see the look on his face.


	6. Sonny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Intimacy issues, exhibitionism, and FEELINGS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me forever to write. Thank you for sticking with me. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> PS: I basically listened to Niall Horan's "Slow Hands" on repeat while writing the last half of this. Such a good song.

Sonny hesitated before walking into the precinct. It was bad enough that he and Barba arrived together, but both of them in tuxes from the show they had been at? It practically screamed _obvious_. He wasn’t ready to have that conversation with Liv. Or Amanda, who was already asking why he wasn’t around to help with Jesse as much.

Barba placed a hand gently on Sonny’s elbow, and he felt himself relax despite his misgivings. “We were at the same show; we both got called away during intermission and ran into each other in the lobby,” Barba said, looking up at Sonny with one of those half smirks. “At the very least they’ll have the good manners to act like they believe it until this case is settled.”

Sonny rolled his eyes. It was just like Barba to have confidence in his ability to play people, even outside of a courtroom and even when those people were highly trained detectives. “Yeah, easy for you to say. You don’t gotta sit in the bullpen with ‘em every day,” Sonny grumbled.

“I didn’t know you liked Broadway, Carisi,” Amanda said, looking him up and down. Of course she was the first one to notice them as they walked into He didn’t miss the way her eyes moved between him and Barba like she was drawing her own, correct conclusions.

“Well, you know, a first time for everything,” Sonny said, hoping he sounded casual and jokey. 

“I was just as surprised as you, Rollins, when I saw him in the lobby during intermission,” Barba said, “I had no idea he even knew how to wear a tuxedo.”

Amanda stifled a laugh behind her hand while Sonny rolled his eyes.. “Anyway, Liv wants to see y’all in her office. Vic claims a junior prosecutor sexually assaulted her.”

“Well this should be fun,” Barba said, voice dripping with his usual sarcasm despite the sympathy clear in his expression.

Sonny undid his bow tie, letting it hang around his neck, and unbuttoned the top button of his dress shirt. He felt less like he was suffocating, until he looked up to see Barba watching him like he wanted to eat Sonny alive. He gave Barba a look that he hoped conveyed _not now, counselor_ , but he could feel a blush already heating his cheeks as he led the way to Liv’s office.

It was late once they finished at the precinct. Sonny felt exhausted and wrung out the way he always did after long sessions with victims. No matter how many cases he worked, Sonny still felt for each victim, never able to maintain the professional detachment he’d had back in Homicide. 

He was also annoyed at having his first real date with Barba interrupted by work. They had been discussing the show during intermission, or rather, Sonny had been listening to Barba practically ramble about stage direction and costume design, enjoying the older man’s unexpected enthusiasm, when their phones went off.

Now that he didn’t have work to focus on, Sonny’s frustration grew at how the night had gone. It had been an honest to goodness date with dinner and drinks before the show; a risk, for sure, since neither of them had disclosed to their bosses yet, but Barba had acted smug to have Sonny on his arm, like he was proud to show him off, and that left Sonny feeling some kind of way he wasn’t ready to examine too closely yet: giddy, hopeful that maybe this could be more than just sex. 

Having to push all that aside and act like it didn’t happen while they worked alongside each other was painful. He just wanted one night -- an entire night -- where they could let their guard down and actually relax without work getting in the way.

He shivered against the cold night air as he waited on the sidewalk to hail a cab. “My place is closer,” Barba said, startling him out of his glum mood. Sonny hadn’t seen him walk up.

“Excuse me, counselor?”

Barba shrugged nonchalantly, hands in his trouser pockets bunching up his dinner jacket in a way Sonny found oddly attractive. He stared out at the street in front of them. “I was planning to ask you back to my place after the show anyway. I don’t see why that couldn’t still be a possibility.”

“No offense, but I’m tired. I’m not feeling up for much after all that in there.” Sonny felt a thrill that Barba had planned to take him back to his place, but it was tainted by his overall bad mood at how their date had ended.

Barba moved closer until their arms brushed, turning to look Sonny with a sad, exasperated expression. “As much fun as sex with you is, I thought I had made it abundantly clear that I also enjoy your company. It’s late. My place is closer. While I had hoped to show it to you under...more pleasant circumstances, I’m not opposed to a glass of wine and sleep. Besides, I sleep better with you next to me.” That last bit was mumbled hastily as Barba averted his gaze.

“Awww, counselor, you really like me,” Sonny teased, jostling Barba playfully with his elbow and hoping to cover up that he felt like the wind had just been knocked out of him at Barba’s sudden emotional honesty.

Barba rolled his eyes, and stepped forward to hail a taxi. He climbed in, giving his address to the driver. Sonny quickly followed. Once the cab was on its way, Barba reached across the seat to twine his fingers with Sonny’s. It was a casual, intimate touch that left Sonny’s head spinning. 

They didn’t do _this_. They met at Sonny’s place once or twice a week to fuck; if there was anything resembling intimacy or tenderness it was always confined to before and after sex. Barba never seemed like the type to be physically affectionate in public, and Sonny was too afraid to ask. He almost laughed at himself right there in the taxi. He could say the filthiest things with no problem when they were in bed, but asking for this kind of casual affection in public was too much.

Sonny realized he was staring when Barba looked at him with a perplexed expression. “Everything all right, detective?” Barba asked.

“Yeah.” Sonny turned to look out the cab window. They rode the rest of the way in silence.

Barba’s apartment was spacious by Manhattan standards. A short hallway opened into a living room crowded with mismatched furniture that somehow worked together; Sonny chuckled softly at the abandoned takeout container and pile of books on the coffee table. An entire wall was covered in overstuffed bookcases with a small flat screen TV and soundsystem nestled in the center. A bar covered in paperwork and knicknacks separated the living room from a small kitchen and dining room. Another short hallway led to what he assumed was the bedroom and bathroom. The place was eclectic, at the same time not at all and exactly what Sonny expected. However, the thing that caught and held Sonny’s eye was the floor to ceiling window along the far side of Barba’s living room; the view was partially obstructed by other buildings, but still spectacular. 

“It’s chilly outside, but I thought we could maybe have a glass of wine out on the balcony,” Barba said as he walked to the kitchen.

“That, uh, that sounds great,” Sonny said as he fiddled with some of the knickknacks on the bar, “I’ll just...use your bathroom, if that’s alright? I need to wash up.” 

Barba looked up from the bottle of wine he had selected, rightfully perplexed at Sonny’s nervous behavior. “Of course. It’ll be on your left.”

Sonny closed the bathroom door behind him. Unsurprisingly, it was a cramped bathroom with barely enough space between the bathtub and the sink. Sonny looked at himself in the mirror, scrubbing at his face. His thoughts were a mess and it showed on his face. He almost wanted to laugh at himself; sex was fine, but Barba still inviting him over after he said sex was off the table stressed him out. He took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and reminded himself to relax. Once he felt his head was clear enough to face Barba, he went back into the living room.

The bottle of wine sat uncorked next to two empty wine glasses on the bar, and Barba stood by the window, contemplating the night skyline. He had divested himself of his dinner jacket and bow tie; his sleeves were rolled up and the top two buttons of his shirt undone. He turned to face Sonny with a soft expression, head tilted just so. “Mind telling me what’s wrong, Sonny?” he asked.

For a brief moment Sonny considered brushing off Barba’s question, but then he saw the concern in Barba’s eyes. “Talking to vics always wears me out,” he said, moving to lean back against the window next to Barba. “And we don’t normally do...this.” He gestured vaguely between them.

Barba quirked an eyebrow. “This?”

“You’re gonna make me spell it out, huh? This is the first time you’ve taken me out, invited me back to your place. It’s a lot. I thought we were just fucking. Don’t get me wrong, Rafael. The sex is fantastic. But this…you’re gettin my hopes up.” 

Barba...no, _Rafael_ sighed, reaching out to fiddle with the hem of Sonny’s dinner jacket. “Like I said earlier, I enjoy your company. When you told me you’d never found time to go to a show, I thought it would be fun to take you. I’m sorry work interrupted us.”

“Yeah, me too. What’s going on here, counselor?” Sonny loved the way Rafael’s eyes darkened when he called him by his title. 

“Would you be mad if I said I still don’t know?” Rafael said. 

Sonny huffed a laugh. “I guess that makes two of us,” he said, tugging gently at Rafael’s suspenders until Rafael was in his arms. Their kiss started out slow, affectionate, almost chaste, but quickly turned dirty when Rafael fisted his hands in Sonny’s dinner jacket and pushed him back against the glass. When Sonny moved his hands to grab Rafael’s ass, Rafael pulled away, regarding him with a questioning look. “You said you weren’t feeling up for sex,” he said, his tone guarded.

“I can change my mind,” Sonny said in a low, husky voice. “But could you...could you take the lead tonight? I’d like that.” He wanted Rafael to take charge so he could let go, not think about anything except Rafael’s hands and mouth on him. Most of their nights together Sonny was in charge, but on nights when he felt adrift, like this one, Rafael took care of him.

Despite all their talk about wine on the balcony, they never made it farther than the sliding door, Rafael spinning Sonny around to press his chest against the glass. “I’m going to eat your ass until you come, ok?” Rafael whispered against Sonny’s ear, “right here against the window where the whole city can see how much you love it.”

Sonny’s entire body shivered, his dick growing harder at the thought of people on the streets below seeing him writhe against the glass. He knew in the part of his head still capable of thought that they were too high up, that the windows would reflect too much street light for anyone to see them, but he leaned into the fantasy, quickly discovering that he loved the idea of someone watching them.

“Don’t move,” Rafael ordered. He pulled off Sonny’s dinner jacket and folded it neatly over the back of the couch. Then he slowly dragged Sonny’s suspenders off his shoulders, letting them hang around his thighs. “Good boy. Now put your hands up against the glass.”

Sonny put his hands up against the glass like a perp about the get cuffed. Rafael reached around, gracefully undoing Sonny’s trousers and letting them fall to pool around his ankles. When he pulled down Sonny’s briefs, he folded to his knees. Sonny gasped as his cock sprang free and brushed against the cool window glass. He turned to look over his shoulder at Rafael on his knees.

“Eyes forward,” Rafael said, all at once gentle and authoritative. Sonny obeyed immediately, and was rewarded with the sensation of Rafael’s strong hands digging into the meat of his ass, spreading him open. A moan tore itself from his throat when Rafael licked a slow stripe up his cleft. He lapped at Sonny’s hole gently until Sonny’s entire body was trembling with the effort to not move. Rafael pushed his tongue inside, rough and insistent, and Sonny cried out, slamming one hand against the glass.

“That’s good,” he heard Rafael say, “Such a good boy. Let me hear you.” Then Rafael’s mouth was on him again, nipping at his ass cheeks, licking him open with enthusiasm. Sonny threw his head back and moaned, more from Rafael’s praise than the sensation of Rafael’s tongue inside him. He would never admit it out loud, but he loved being praised; he loved knowing he pleased Rafael.

Sonny slumped forward, pressing his forehead to the window, and as he did so, he caught sight of his own reflection in the glass. His hair was a mess, his face glistened with sweat; he looked so thoroughly _wrecked_. This was what Rafael did to him. That realization caused a fresh wave of pleasure to course through him, and he vocalized it with abandon, not caring if the whole damn city heard.

“Oh god, Raf, I’m close!” he cried out, half worried about making a mess of the window. But Rafael only redoubled his efforts, reaching between Sonny’s legs to rub his perineum. That pushed Sonny over the edge; he came with a hoarse shout, streaking the window glass.

Rafael helped him to the floor. Sonny was sure he looked ridiculous slumped against the window, trousers at his angles, his shoes still on. He reached for Rafael. “Let me...let me take care of you too.”

Rafael gently batted Sonny’s hand away. “Maybe later,” he said, as he sat back on his heels, staring intently. His lips were swollen, and his chin glistened with spit but he didn’t seem to mind. “Are you ok?”

Sonny smiled. “Yeah...yeah, I’m great.” He gestured weakly at the mess he’d left on the window. “I hope you got windex or something.”

Rafael laughed softly at that. He moved to sit next to Sonny, pulling him into his arms. Sonny went willingly, enjoying the steady rhythm of Rafael’s heart against his ear. He was in no rush to clean up or put himself back together. There was still so much unsaid between them, but for now, this was perfect.


	7. Rafael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like a lot of you, I had feelings about "Next Chapter" and Sonny almost getting shot. So here's a little hurt/comfort goodness for y'all. Sonny shows up at Rafael's apartment, bloodstains still on his shirt and face.

Rafael bolted upright on the couch. Thanks to Carmen’s scheduling powers, he had managed a half day to sleep off a migraine. Once he made it home, he had stayed upright long enough to change into sweatpants and a t-shirt and take a handful of ibuprofen before falling asleep in the living room. He hadn’t ordered any food; he wasn’t expecting any visitors. So why was the buzzer ringing?

He staggered over to the intercom and pressed the listen button. “Hey it’s me. Can you let me in?” he heard Sonny’s voice, thick and weary, come through the intercom. Without hesitating, Rafael mashed the button to let Sonny into his building. In the time it took Sonny to walk up to his apartment, Rafael’s brain conjured up at least six possible reasons -- all of them terrible -- why Sonny would come to his place unannounced when they both should have been at work.

Rafael opened the door when he heard Sonny’s heavy footsteps on the landing. Sonny leaned in the doorway, crowding Rafael, but didn’t immediately come inside. He looked ashen, his mouth drawn in a pained frown. “I went to your office, but Carmen said you’d gone home for the day. I, uh, needed…”

“Is that blood?” Rafael gasped, the lingering pain in his head forgotten as he reached out to touch Sonny’s shirt collar, grazing his thumb over the reddish brown spatters on the fabric. Normally he would feel queasy at the sight, but all of his focus was on Sonny, who looked as though the weight of the world was bearing down on him. The same reddish brown spatters were at his hairline, faded and smeared like he had attempted to wipe them off. Rafael carded his hands through Sonny’s hair, looking for injuries.

“It’s not mine,” Sonny said, his voice strained. He took Rafael’s hand in his, pressing a kiss to his palm. “Perp had a gun to my head...The Lieutenant...Liv...she, uh, she shot him. Got blood all over my face.”

Rafael felt suddenly light-headed, winded as if someone had punched him in the chest. Not at the sight of blood or the idea of Liv shooting someone, but Sonny -- his Sonny -- nearly dying in the line of duty. Some horrible person had put a gun to Sonny’s head, intent on pulling the trigger, and if Liv hadn’t been there…

He looked up to see blue eyes full of crumbling resolve gazing back at him. “I’m ok, Raf,” Sonny whispered.

“You almost died!” Rafael heard himself exclaim, voice cracking.

“ _Rafael_ , I’m fine. Honest,” Sonny insisted. There was an irritated note in his voice, making his accent thicker, and it only fueled Rafael’s concern.

“No. You don’t get to come over here, tell me _that_ , the say you’re fine. I won’t allow it.” he said, suddenly angry at the way Sonny dismissed his own feelings, always putting everyone and everything before his own needs. Rafael wanted to take care of him and comfort him; he wanted to slam his fists against Sonny’s chest and tell him how stupid he was being. He settled for dragging Sonny inside his apartment and sitting him down on the couch, a little more forcefully than he had intended.

Sonny looked indignant, but stayed where Rafael put him. “You won’t allow it?” he sputtered. “ _You won’t allow it?_. I didn’t say you could tell me what to do.”

It took all of Rafael’s self-control to not yell back in response. He remembered something Liv had told him years ago about anger being a normal response to trauma. 

“You obviously came over here because you needed to see me. Now let me take care of you,” Rafael said, his voice soft but commanding as he gently tugged at Sonny’s hand, leading him towards the bathroom. Sonny followed without any further protest. Under the bathroom lights, the bloodstains on Sonny’s face and shirt collar were more pronounced, an ugly red-brown stain against pale skin. 

Rafael felt his own pulse race in fear at the sight. They had survived a courtroom shooting; neither of them was a stranger to the violence and risk of Sonny’s profession, and yet being confronted with it like this left Rafael feeling shaken. He wanted to recoil, hide from it, unsure if he was prepared for what exactly it meant to be involved with a police officer. But Sonny looked adrift, the thousand yard stare in his eyes making it clear at least part of him was still back in that house with a gun pressed to his head. 

So Rafael pushed aside his own fears and set to work divesting Sonny of his blood spattered shirt and tie. “Don’t tell me you’re fine when you’re not,” he said as he pushed the offending shirt off Sonny’s shoulders and threw it in the corner. “You could have died.” His voice cracked for what felt like the hundredth time since Sonny showed up at his place.

Sonny’s hand darted out, grabbing Rafael’s wrist in a tight grip. Those blue eyes bored into him. “But I didn’t, ok? Stop acting like I’m gonna break,” Sonny snapped. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, his expression fell. “I’m sorry, Raf. I…”

He pulled Sonny into his arms without hesitation, feeling Sonny relax against him and bury his face against his neck. He ran his hands over Sonny’s back, his arms, through his hair, finding comfort in the solid weight of the other man clinging to him.

When he felt Sonny relax, Rafael gently reached around him to grab a washcloth and run it under cool water. He coaxed Sonny to lift his head so he could wipe the lingering bloodstains from his brow and hairline. Sonny closed his eyes and sighed. The sight of him being so vulnerable and trusting made Rafael feel as if someone had his heart in a vice grip. He pressed his lips to Sonny’s in a tentative kiss, wanting to comfort but not take advantage. However, things escalated quickly; Sonny pulled Rafael close and licked into his mouth with desperate intensity. 

“Would you like a shower?” Rafael asked once he managed to pull away. He felt dazed from the tension Sonny was giving off, the way he kissed like he was drowning. Sonny nodded, immediately reaching for Rafael’s sweatpants. Rafael batted his hands away; as much as his body was responding, he was still worried that Sonny wasn’t in a good place to give consent. “Not right now,” he said, separating himself from Sonny long enough to run the shower.

Sonny’s hands rested on Rafael’s hips, gently pulling at the drawstring on his sweatpants again. “Could you just stay?” he said, barely audible over the water now running full blast.

The plaintive note in Sonny’s voice made Rafael smile sadly. He turned back to help Sonny undress as steam clouded the mirror and cast a haze over everything in the bathroom. They peeled each other’s clothes off slowly and deliberately, hands lingering on bare skin. Rafael pressed a gentle kiss to Sonny’s cheek, then guided him into the shower.

Their world shrank down to just the two of them, and for the moment nothing else seemed to matter other than holding Sonny as close as possible. Rafael closed his eyes, focusing on the sensation of their chests pressed together, Sonny’s arms tight around him, the near-scalding water sluicing over his body. 

“After it happened, all I could think about was getting back to you,” Sonny said against Rafael’s neck. “I...I needed you.”

Rafael hugged Sonny tighter and skated his hands along Sonny’s back, trying to communicate through touch what he was failing to do so with words. He pressed his lips to Sonny’s temple, his ear, his shoulder. Finally the words he was searching for came out. “You’re safe,” he whispered between kisses, “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

He realized that he meant all of it, that he felt a kind of vicious _intent_ behind his words as he spoke them. He wanted to protect Sonny, keep him safe, even if he had to hurt other people to do it. Perhaps something in his tone conveyed that, because Sonny pulled back just far enough to look Rafael in the eye, a soft smile playing over his face. Their lips met in a slow, lazy kiss, both of them just enjoying the feel of each other without any goal in mind.

When they parted, Rafael reached for the shampoo and set to work washing Sonny’s hair. Intimacy was a difficult thing for Rafael; he always felt out of his depth, but with Sonny it felt easy, like the next logical step in whatever this was between them. He loved how Sonny relaxed and melted into his touch as he ran his hands through Sonny’s hair, how Sonny closed his eyes and let Rafael tilt his head back under the spray to wash away the shampoo. They returned to how they had been before, holding each other until the hot water started to cool.

Rafael shut off the water and helped Sonny out of shower, gently drying him off and leading him into the bedroom. They fell into bed, a tangle of limbs, kissing slowly as they touched. When Sonny’s eyes began to droop, Rafael pulled the covers over them and nestled close.

“Rafael…” Sonny started.

“Shhhh sleep. I’m not going anywhere,” Rafael said in a low voice. That seemed to be what Sonny wanted to hear, because he closed his eyes and melted against Rafael. It wasn’t long before his breathing slowed and he began to snore lightly. Rafael continued to stroke Sonny’s back as he watched him sleep, and once again he felt that sensation like his heart was in a vice. 

_Love_. That was the word he was searching for. He was in love with Sonny Carisi. It was perhaps the most inconvenient, reckless thing he could do, but it was too late for second thoughts. Admitting it, even silently to himself, left him feeling all at once relieved and terrified. His thoughts jumped ahead to disclosures and angry bosses and oh god Liv would be disappointed in him, not that she had room to talk. He forced his mind to focus on the present, on Sonny asleep next to him, looking relaxed and peaceful for the first time since he walked into Rafael’s apartment. Rafael pressed a kiss to Sonny’s head and smiled at the way he sighed and moved closer.

They would figure this out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music I listened to while writing this chapter:
> 
> The National - "Heavenfaced"  
> Alabama Shakes - "You Ain't Alone"  
> Bon Iver - "Creature Fear"  
> Tom Waits - "Blind Love"  
> Overcoats - "Hold Me close"  
> Slow Club - "The Jinx"


	8. Sonny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tender morning sex and a confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all! I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to post another chapter. This chapter has been sitting in my drafts for 10 months and I just finished it today. Thank you for still reading <3

It was still dark when Sonny woke up, his head rested on Rafael’s chest, one arm flung across Rafael’s waist. He took a moment to savor the feeling of soft sheets low on his hips, the warmth of Rafael’s body so close to his own, Rafael’s hand rubbing slow, aimless circles on his back. Sonny was still drained from the day before, but he felt safe in Rafael’s arms. When he looked up he found Rafael propped on the pillows, reading something on his phone, the screen’s light illuminating his face. It was probably a case, judging by the serious expression on his face. Sonny loved the way Rafael scowled and pursed his lips when he was concentrating on work

“Hey, what time is it?” Sonny asked, his voice thick from sleep.

Rafael met his gaze with a tender smile, serious expression melting away. “Nearly six. My alarm went off already but I thought you might want to sleep a little longer. I don’t have any court appearances today, and I just messaged Carmen to clear my morning schedule.”

Sonny knew that was Rafael’s way of saying he wanted Sonny to stay awhile. He put his phone down on the nightstand and wrapped his arms tight around Sonny. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Sonny said against Rafael’s chest, inhaling the clean faintly musky scent he had come to associate with Rafael over their past few months together. He wanted to burrow under the covers as close to Rafael as he could get and never leave.

Rafael kissed the top of Sonny’s head, sliding his hand up to run his fingers through Sonny’s hair. It was so easy for Sonny to just tilt his head up and kiss Rafael. He could feel Rafael hesitate against him as their lips met.

“Please,” he whispered and Rafael kissed him properly, sinking down onto the mattress so their faces were level. Sonny sighed at how gentle and deliberate Rafael’s lips were against his. Part of him thought it was silly but he felt cared for and special as Rafael’s hands skated over his arms, his chest, his sides, never dipping lower even though Sonny started to wish they would. 

He was already half hard when they broke apart, and he rolled his hips against Rafael’s to make that known. Rafael gasped at the skin on skin contact, eyes wide, boring into Sonny’s. “Are you sure?” he asked.

Sonny nodded, but even in the dark he would see Rafael arch an eyebrow, reminding him of their established rule. “Yes, I’m sure,” he said, and pulled Rafael in for a deep, languid kiss to show him just how sure he was. When they finally parted, words fell from Sonny’s mouth before he could stop himself. “I want you on top this time. I want you inside me. I want…”

He felt Rafael’s fingers soft and cool on his lips, followed by a quick kiss as Rafael reached for the lube and condoms that had become a permanent fixture on the nightstand since their relationship had progressed. 

Rafael opened Sonny up slowly, taking his time with one finger, then two, crooking them just right to make Sonny gasp and arch his back off the sheets. It was too much and not enough all at once. Rafael gently pressed Sonny down with his free hand on his chest. Sonny couldn’t look away from Rafael’s gaze even though the intensity of it left him feeling raw and exposed. 

“Please,” Sonny begged, moving his hips to angle Rafael’s fingers where he wanted them. “Please.”

Rafael tilted his head slightly. “Please what?”

Sonny moaned. “Please, I want you inside me. I want you to fuck me. Please!” He could hear the whine in his own voice as the words spilled out of his mouth, but he was too far gone to feel ashamed.

Rafael’s expression was tender as he dragged his fingers down Sonny’s chest and abdomen, stopping just above Sonny’s flush, dripping prick. The anticipation eroded what little self control Sonny still had; he fisted his hands in the sheets, spreading his legs wider, and fucked himself harder on the fingers still inside him. He whimpered when Rafael pulled out.

Rafael whispered something soothing in spanish as he tore open the foil wrapper and carefully rolled the condom onto himself. Sonny was entranced by how Rafael handled himself with deliberate confidence, the only evidence that he was also struggling for control apparent in how he gripped the base of his cock. 

“Do you still want to do this?” Rafael asked. His pupils were blown wide and his voice was thick with desire, but Sonny knew that Rafael would stop if he just gave the word.

For a brief moment, Sonny felt doubt creep into the back of his mind. He had never let a man fuck him before, never built up enough trust with a partner to let himself be that vulnerable. Rafael knew this from so many nights spent nestled in bed together, talking until the sun started to come up. He pulled Rafael on top of him. “Yeah, I do,” he said.

Rafael pushed in slowly, trailing kisses down Sonny’s jaw and neck as he did. The stretch and fullness made Sonny feel as if he would break apart in the best way. He dug his fingers into Rafael’s back, urging him to go faster, but Rafael set an agonizingly slow pace that left Sonny gasping and trembling beneath him. Sonny’s impatience to be fucked melted away in waves of pleasure as Rafael moved in him.

As their eyes met, a feeling Sonny couldn’t place caught in his throat. He felt exposed and raw, but equally safe and protected. He was so high on the intensity of sensation and emotion that he came suddenly with a shout, his cock untouched between them. A tender smile tugged at the corner of Rafael’s lips before he nuzzled Sonny’s jawline, whispering endearments as he fucked Sonny through his orgasm. Sonny slid his hands down to grip Rafael’s ass, encouraging him to speed up his pace until he was shouting out his own orgasm against Sonny’s neck.

“ _Te amo_ ,” Rafael said once his breathing has slowed and they laid next to each other. He looked shocked that the words had slid out of his mouth, but Sonny pulled him back in for a kiss, not giving him a chance to backpedal.

“I love you too,” Sonny said once they broke apart.

“I thought you didn’t know Spanish,” Rafael teased. Sonny loved the way his eyes danced and his mouth twitched up.

“I know enough from being around you when you’re on the phone with your mom...Which, by the way, have you told her about us?” The more serious things got between him and Rafael, the more Sonny worried about how to tell his own family. He had sat around the table with them, heard the way they talked, enough to know it wouldn’t be an easy conversation. He wondered if Rafael would have similar problems with his family.

Rafael ducked his head to mouth at the sensitive spot behind Sonny’s ear, causing Sonny to moan and shiver. “I don’t want to discuss my mother,” Rafael said between wet kisses, “when I have you naked in my bed for the rest of the morning.”

Sonny wanted to call out Rafael for using diversion tactics to avoid the question, but then Rafael’s expert fingers reached down to rub just behind his balls. He felt his cock stir, almost ready for round two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music for this chapter:
> 
> Saint Motel - "Cold Cold Man"  
> Kishi Bashi - "m'Lover"  
> OK Go - "I Want You So Bad I Can't Breathe"


End file.
